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Yes, managing Drederick has been my highest priority. Lucius! Hey, what's a glitterati like you doin' in my dump? Okay, Homer, he's tired! He's tired! Now's your chance! Yeah, he never stops punching, except to check out his bindle. Man, that tramp's got the energy of a hobo. You don't wanna get drawn into a boxin' match here. We, uh-We called that "the stinger." They don't let you use that no more. I hope you do better with 'em than I did. Homer, I want you to have my lucky mitts. In fact, he's actually fightin' for a sandwich. Okay, you're fightin' a guy named Boxcar Bob.īrawled his way up from the boxcars, did he? That's right.Īnd if the ref's not looking, you can kick him a couple of times. What you're gonna do is stand there while your opponent gets exhausted from over-punching. Okay, punching isn't your thing, but that's okay. Why, I could wallop you all day with this surgical two-by-four without ever knocking you down. It's almost as if you're wearing a football helmet inside your own head. Your brain is cushioned by a layer of fluid one eighth of an inch thicker than normal. You have an absolutely unique genetic condition known as "Homer Simpson Syndrome." That's what we get for living in a state founded by circus freaks. every one of this state's requirements to box, wrestle or be shot out of a cannon. and you haven't gotten any exercise since grade school.īefore you even consider this, I insist you consult a doctor.
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You're 38 years old, you don't know how to box. Homer, of all the crazy ideas you've had. Why not? 'Cause I got knocked out 40 times in a row. Back when I was Gorgeous, everybody wanted a piece of me.īut, somehow, I just never made it to the big time. He's exactly as rich and as famous as Don King. You know Lucius Sweet? He's one of the biggest names in boxing. Yeah, I've been meanin' to empty that out. Yeah, well, when I realized we hadn't had no ladies in here since 1979. Now, Homer, if I'm gonna manage your boxing career. Yes! And are you man enough to give me a 60% cut? to throw a punch should the opportunity arise? Are you man enough to test every one of your limits? Some of these boxers, they eat steak and lobster and salad bar all in a single meal. You know, boxin' might be right up your alley. Homer, I seen prizefighters couldn't take a punch half as good as you. The only thing a loser like me is good for is taking beatings. I mean, you took a three-man pounding and didn't even fall down.īig deal. Geez, Homer, I never seen a guy stand up to that kind of punishment.
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If you're gonna beat up my friend in my bar, there's a two-drink minimum. This is for the crummy life I've had to live. That's for telling me how to raise my lousy kid. You've got to squeal to every teacher and every grown-up you can find.īut then they'll just beat me up even worse. Son, there's only one thing punks like that understand- squealing. I was hopin' it wouldn't come to this, but you guys asked for it. No running! Time for a little evasive action. 'cause yours is just a piece of extension cord. sphygmomanometer, and it's even got turn signals. whistle, saw, panic button, squirrel snare, radon/lie detector. It's a tactical pants retaining system.Ĭheck it out. I bet if God wore pants, he'd have a belt like that. where I dispense the insults rather than absorb them. I must hurry back to my comic book store. Gee, I hate to let you down, Casanova, but, uh, no receipt, no return. as the average Trekker has no use for a medium-sized belt. although I find their choice of prize highly illogical. I won it as a door prize at the Star Trek convention. Do you have receipt, quote, unquote "sir"? I would like to return your quote, unquote "Ultimate Belt." must have some terrible emotional problems. Anyone who needs this kind of status symbol. Hey, Lise! Check out this space-age toothbrush. They opened a new high-tech gadget store. You know, on the series, we were always trying to kill the Cartwrights.īut it looks like Father Time took care of that for us, right? could be alive today to see this wonderful turnout. and Hop Sing and Sheriff Roy and all your favorites. # - is proud to present the stars of Bonanza. the Springfield Mall, in conjunction with Nostalgia Licensing Corporation.